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Bereavement Support Group Principles

Come as you are
We all come from different life experiences. Whoever you are, whatever your experience, you are welcome here. We recognize that loss is loss, regardless of when that loss occurred. We will respect your unique experience, and hope you will do the same for others.

Speak in truth, when you are ready
There is such value to be found in sharing our stories, in speaking the names of our children, in letting them be known to others, and in expressing our thoughts about our loss. When we can do these things together, we give ourselves opportunities to process and find some healing. We know not everyone will be able or willing to share to the same extent, and that is ok. Come, share what you are able and willing to share, and find rest with us as you sit in the knowledge that everyone around you understands some of what you are going through.

Grieve in your own way
Grief and expressions of grief are so personal. Each person has the right to grieve in ways that are most helpful for them. No one knows you better than you. We believe in your ability to follow your own path through grief with courage, and to arrive in a brighter place still carrying the memory of the baby you lost.

Support Group FAQ

Q: I'm too nervous just to show up to a meeting! Is that … strange?

A: No, you're certainly in good company. We know how incredibly difficult it can be to seek the help we need at such a sad, vulnerable time. To make showing up easier, we welcome emails or phone calls before you attend a meeting to talk about what to expect, which might make coming to that first meeting a little less intimidating. Know that you can always turn your screen off to take a quick break, and that you are NOT the first person to feel this way!

Q: I can't talk about my experience without crying. Will I be the only one?

A: Not at all. We know that no matter how far out you are from your loss, talking about your experience can bring up strong emotions. And all emotions are welcome at our meetings. If you feel too overwhelmed to speak, you are always welcome to just listen to others until you are ready to share.

Q: What if my baby died years ago?

A: We welcome you and need you to be a part of this community! Often people who have walked through grief for many years can provide hope and experience for others while also continuing to honor your baby and healing journey. No matter what stage of loss or how long it has been, you are welcome here.

Q: I want my partner to come, but I don't know if they will want to speak. Is that OK?

A: Absolutely. Participation in the discussion is always optional. We know that even when participants don't contribute to the conversation, they still may be receiving the support they need. If your partner is hesitant, maybe encourage them to sit in the room while you Zoom and just listen in. While we would ask that you acknowledge that there’s another person off-screen, this way a partner could listen in without being seen or heard. It’s a low-risk way to see what a meeting is like.

Q: Are these support groups a form of therapy?

A: As supportive as participants tell us these meetings are, our bereavement support groups are not therapy, and should not necessarily be used in place of professional therapy when that is needed. We use a peer-facilitated model of support groups that was created by Empty Arms Bereavement Support out of Western, MA. This creates an advice-free, judgement-free space in which you can share whatever experiences and emotions are true for you following your loss. Often one of the best ways to heal during a life-long journey of grief is to tell your story.

Q: My family and friends don't know about my loss…

A: Strict confidentiality is expected from all group members. Included in our guidelines is a rule of confidentiality that asks that even if group members see one another outside of group, it's not appropriate to reference anything shared in group unless both parties agree. Your personal contact information will only be shared with other group members if you specifically elect to have it shared.

Q: Can I attend a support group if my baby I lost was over 1 year old?

A: While we absolutely wish we could support all stages of child loss, currently Empty Arms Vermont only has peer connections for individuals who have had a baby die in pregnancy or within the first year of infancy. However, please reach out to chelsea@emptyarmsvermont.org so we can try and assist in finding you more support.

Margaret Talbot lives in Burlington with her family. Margaret has one living son, Henry, born in 2023. Prior to Henry’s arrival, she and her husband experienced a series of miscarriages and a long journey to parenthood. She is grateful to give back to the Empty Arms community by facilitating the Miscarriage support group.

Karyn Tyler lives in southern Vermont with her family. She has one living daughter and is currently pregnant with their family’s last baby. Prior to her daughter’s birth, Karyn experienced the premature delivery and subsequent death of her son Callan in 2019. His tragic death occurred between two unexplained missed miscarriages in the first trimester. Karyn has since been diagnosed with incompetent cervix which is a pregnancy complication that is supported with medical interventions. Karyn understands deeply the complexities and challenges that come with trying to conceive and pregnancy after loss. She is grateful for the opportunity to co-facilitate the Pregnancy After Loss & TTC support group.

Jamie Frey’s middle child, Hadleigh, was born prematurely in 2021 and died shortly after birth. Suddenly navigating grief and parenting after loss, she found support among other bereaved parents on a similar journey. With an understanding of how important connection is, Jamie is grateful for the opportunity to co-facilitate the Pregnancy After Loss support group.

Marie Frietze is a mother in the Burlington area. She has two living children with her husband, ages 12 and 9. Prior to the births of her living children, her daughter, Magdalena, died 12 years ago due to complications from a heart defect, one day after she was born. Marie subsequently experienced another loss via miscarriage. Marie currently co-facilitates the Parenting Support Circle.

Angelica is a nurse living in South Burlington, VT. She lost her daughter, Stella, to miscarriage in November of 2022. She is incredibly thankful to have found Empty Arms Vermont while trying to navigate her grief. Angelica feels that the connections and community she found during the intense emotions of that time were pivotal to being able to move through, and with, the roller coaster of loss. She is incredibly honored to be able to hold space for others experiencing early pregnancy loss. When she’s not working, you can find Angelica enjoying nature, mucking about in her garden, or enjoying lazy cuddles with her cats, Scout and Jem.

Leigh Marthe lives and works in Brattleboro, VT. She is the mother of three adult living children and "Nana" to her grandchildren. Her son, Eli, was born nearly full-term in 1996 and died two days after his birth as a result of complications stemming from an undetected early amnion rupture and disruptions to his development in utero. Leigh considers Eli's short life and death to be a gift. "I've learned so much from my son. These lessons have made me a better mother to my other children and infinitely more loving and compassionate to those who experience deep loss. Empty Arms is a community I didn't have until 2023 and I am grateful beyond words for this space to share my experience of losing an infant child.”

Chelsea Levis is a mother living in Williston, VT. In 2014, Chelsea's firstborn son, Timothy, died during complications in labor. In that season of deep and unyielding grief, Chelsea learned the value of finding meaning as a parent to a baby that died, and the strong bonds of friendship that can sustain life after loss. In 2015 and 2017, the Levis family welcomed two living children into their lives. Chelsea co-facilitates the Pregnancy and Infant Bereavement groups and considers it an honor to journey with other parents missing their babies.

Rachel Gaston lives in Burlington with her family. After the birth of her living son, she suffered the loss of her daughter through miscarriage and the subsequent loss of her son after the painful experience of terminating for medical reasons (TFMR). The Empty Arms groups have been a profound and meaningful part of her healing journey, particularly while navigating the complexities of raising her living son while grieving her two children. Rachel co-facilitates the Parenting Support Circle and is grateful to share this space with others who have endured this pain as well.

Will Landis is a dad who lives in Williston. He and his partner found out she was pregnant with their first child in 2023. Sadly, their daughter Hestra was diagnosed with a rare brain disease and died in 2024. The support through Empty Arms has had a comforting and uplifting effect on Will and his family. Will is thankful for this community’s compassion and hopes to share that sentiment with fellow grieving families and dads.

Joe Bonitatebus is a father who lives in Granville, NY. In September of 2023, Joe and his wife’s first child and daughter, Bella, passed away while in labor. Since then, Empty Arms has been an intricate part of their healing journey. In 2024, they welcomed their second daughter. Joe is looking forward to co-facilitating the dad’s group to honor his daughter Bella and connect with other dads.